What to look for in a Counselor
Here are some Christian marriage counseling tips to help you decide on a marriage counselor. These rules of thumb also apply for you if you’re seeking Christian pre-marriage counseling. There are specifics you should look for in Christian marriage counseling such as whether a counselor who has been referred to you by someone you trust. Someone who knows this person or this person comes highly recommended because of their good name and good work in the community.
- Do you feel comfortable with the counselor?
- Are the ground rules laid out up front about confidentiality, time and cost?
- Questioning should go deeper than just your marriage.
- Make sure the word of God and Jesus Christ are the last word, and not some philosopher’s opinion
- Homework should be given each time so that there can be a measure of progress.
- Tangible tools should be received. Communication tools, etc.
- If you have children, information should also be given about your children as it relates to the success or failure of your marriage.
- After a month of weekly counseling, are you making progress?
All these questions are very important to ask yourself (and your spouse)initially, and to keep asking as you go through the Christian marriage counseling process.
Marriage Counseling Tips How we fought during counseling
Jackie’s View: When we first attempted marriage reconciliation and went through counseling, we had a terrible confrontation. Ronnie at that time was still doing drugs, and lying through his teeth. He was still saying that everything was my fault. He took absolutely no responsibility for any of the infidelity, lying and quitting his job(this part relates to financial infidelity, by the way).
Ronnie’s View: That is true. On the other hand, Jackie was still drinking and had a tolerance level of zero. I remember the counselor asked me a question and I responded. Then she looked at Jackie and said, “Jackie what are you thinking right now?” Jackie looked at her and said very calmly,
“I’m thinking that I’d like to take off my high heel shoe and beat Ronnie profusely about the head and shoulders until he bleeds.”
So that gives you just a little taste from a man’s perspective of what I was dealing with in counseling. Needless to say, we were not ready for counseling at that time. We left that counseling session, got in our separate cars and went our separate ways for years.
Jackie responds: Yes, I do remember that Ronnie, and I am guilty as charged.(smile) So none of what went on had anything to do with the counselor or the word of God which she was giving us. It had everything to do with our unwillingness to hear the counsel and change.Counseling will work if you will work and apply what you learn to yourself and the marriage. So the most important of all the Christian marriage counseling tips we have to share with you is this: Counseling will only work if you work. If you both decide to see a marriage counselor (Christian or not), you must decide before you go that you are willing to consider any change (in you) that the counselor might recommend.