Saving a marriage in crisis by changing what you say and how you say it!
Saving a marriage on the rocks is virtually impossible to achieve without an honest look at the marital communication patterns between you and your spouse. Very often, married couples bring mentally and emotionally abusive communication patterns into the marriage. Even when mental or emotional abuse is not a consideration, you may have a spouse who finds it difficult to talk about stressful issues. If you’re a woman whose husband finds it difficult simply to acknowledge or discuss difficult topics, how you react can be the difference between destroying your marriage and saving it.
Saving a marriage in trouble should be preceded by saving your communication. One of the most difficult but powerful ways to transform broken down communication in a marriage is to recognize and embrace vulnerability. Learn to honestly share your anxieties and your fears with your husband or spouse in an affirming way. Mastering this tightrope is the key to coaxing your spouse out of communication avoidance. Active Christian faith involves the ability to insist upon, to mentally and emotionally focus upon the promises of God, and on what is possible rather than what is. Like our heavenly father, we must learn to “call those things that are not as though they are” in our daily behavior and conversations. Here are some basic principles that can help you transform your problem riddled marriage into a dream marriage by overhauling your love language and behavior:
- Ask and involve; don’t accuse. (Prov. 15:3b “…grievous words stir up anger”)
- Diffuse tense communication with a soft answer. (Prov. 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath”).
- Habitually build up your spouse with your words. (Eph. 4:29: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers”).
- Habitually control your tongue; how you talk and what you say (Ps. 39:1 “I will take heed to my ways; that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle…”).
- Don’t store your anger, rather address it in a Godly way. Respond, don’t react (Eph 4:26: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath”),(Titus 2:8).
A marital crisis usually has multiple causes. The one spiritual skill that can help solve every christian marriage problem is learning Godly and biblical communication. Saving a marriage through changing the way you communicate, in addition to saving your marriage, can potentially minimize your marital headaches and save you any further misery and expenses.
What the bible says about the tongue
- Prov. 15:4 – A wholesome tongue is a tree of life
- Prov. 18:21 – Death and life are in the power of the tongue
- Ps. 39:1 – “I said, I will take heed to my ways that I sin not with my tongue…”.
- Prov. 31:26 – She opens her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
- Prov. 21:23 – Whoso keepeth his mouth and tongue keepeth his soul from troubles
- Prov. 15:2 – The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright…
- Prov. 12: 18 – There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.