How poor communication becomes physical
Sexless marriage is often a marital communication issue. Often when we are unable to talk sanely and get our point across to our spouse, it ends up in us withholding our affection from the other person. We have a tendency to withdraw and pout. We will stop talking all together and avoid each other. This is often called the silent treatment.
What it does this tell your spouse?
That you are not worthy of my words. You are not worth me wasting my breath on you. This is a deadly action for the marriage, because it usually goes farther. Next we find ourselves in the bed beside one another but never touching. Or we sleep on the sofa, or in the guest bedroom. These actions become ways we punish one another for not doing or giving us what we want. This can lead to a sexless marriage – which may be tantamount to physical and emotional abuse in the eyes of your spouse.
These actions can become habits and set up patterns in your marriage that quickly produce disrespect and distance. The next thing you know, you won’t want to have sex with one another. The enemy, who is Satan, does not want you to be close. He hates marriage. He comes to steal, kill and destroy your marriage. When you stop talking and touching one another, you are cooperating with him.
When you turn your face from your spouse in the bed, you turn right to the face of the enemy and he starts to talk to you and fill your head with lies like, “I can’t stand him/her, I don’t have to live like this, I know there are other people who want me”…lies. He would love it if you never have sex with your spouse and will try to tempt you with someone else. Don’t bite the bait.
Examine your past patterns from your childhood and family when you were growing up. Many times this is the baggage we bring into our relationships not only to our spouses but also to our children.
I’m able to speak intelligently on this subject because it was one of my greatest faults. I could give you the silent treatment for days and so could Ronnie to me. We would walk around the house for a week and never speak a word to one another, but if someone else called on the phone we would talk to them as if nothing had ever happened. I had done this from childhood because this is what was done to me.
If you’ve heard or read our dramatic divorce reconciliation story, you know how disastrous such patterns eventually proved to be. In my new marriage I have learned to continue to talk no matter what. The first thing I have to say to myself is, “I refuse to take offense.” I use to be so easily offended. Not any more. I say out loud to myself, “I refuse to take offense.” Then I continue to talk to Ronnie and he continues to talk to me sometimes even saying, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, and what can I do to make it right?”