What a Wife Needs


What a wife needs is quite different from what a husband needs. Many times men try to give their wives what they need and completely miss the mark. I highly recommend that you get the book His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Hartley. He points out in his book several needs a wife has, that if fulfilled will usually make her happy. I could never improve on what Dr. Hartley has written but I would like to put my spin on each need coming from the perspective of a wife and a Christian Marriage Counselor.

Let me give you six things almost every wife needs: Affection Conversation Trust/Honesty Transparency Security Family Commitment

These are basic Needs most wives have. I must again say most wives because there are always exceptions to every rule. Some of you might be saying where is sexual fulfillment on the list of what a wife needs? Being a wife over 40 years and counselor who listens to women almost everyday, I have found that it is on the list but it mightnot be on the short list. I find that when the above fore mentioned needs are met, love making is never a problem. Trust me; I know where of I speak. What a wife needs is affection. Affection is defined as coming after, a tender attachment, a propensity toward a person. To a wife affectionincludes saying good morning to her when you both wake up, telling her how beautiful she is before she puts her make-up on, brushing up against her while she stands at the sink, telling her how soft her skin is as you hold her hand, putting your arm around her as you walk down the mall, telling her how much you love her at least 5 times a day. That is what a wife needs on a consistent basis.  


What a wife needs is genuine sincere conversation. I think conversation may be the #1 need some of us have. Women talk at least 3 times more than men. I’m being very conservative when I say that but wives Needyou husbands to talk to them. Wives talk to each other, girlfriends, kids and even to ourselves if we have to. God has just built us that way. Like I said before there are always exceptions to every rule. I so admire women who don’t talk a lot and I have actually prayed and asked the Lord to help me keep my mouth shut. Wives not only need conversation but we also need to know you heardour conversation. We want to know what you are thinking about and what you feel about what we say. Husbands, when your wives see you enjoy talking to them, it makes them feel they really are the most important people in your life. Communication is the life blood for your marriage and I don’t think you can ever talk to each other too much. Remember, it is what a wife needs.

Trust/Honesty/ Transparency

What a wife needs is trust, honesty and transparency. I’m tying the 3 of these needs together because they are all intertwined. The root of that word trust is true us, being true to us. Trust must be earned. One of the ways you earn trust is to be completely honest with your wife. Another way to earn trust is to be transparent. Allow her to see through you. Don’t have any hidden agendas and secrets that she has to probe to discover. What a wife needs is nothing hidden from her. My husband says in our workshops that “There are no areas in his life that say, no wives allowed.” He has no skeletons in his closets because he even got rid of the closets. What a wife needs is intimacy. IN-TO-ME-SEE and that is accomplished when you are trustworthy, honest, and transparent with her.  


Wives need security. We need to know that the mortgage/rent, utilities, and childcare will be paid on time. It makes wives nervous when they don’t know if you will quit your job tomorrow or leave her, or depend on her to do more than she thinks she can handle. Of course security is about more than the money. What a wife needs is to know that you will be there for her and the children until death do you part, that gives her security. She wants to know come hell or high water that you’ve got her back no matter what the situation.  

Family Commitment

Last but certainly not least what a wife needs is family commitment. It is so important to us to know that our husbands are committed to the family more that to his mom or siblings, job, hobby or anything else. This is the family that you have conceived and what a wife needs is for you to be present, not just physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well; a husband who will be a student of the Bible, teach the children how to pray and pray over the family daily. What a wife needs is a husband who will attend the children’s violin, saxophone and clarinet concerts that seem to last for 5 hours. Go with her to the field days, soccer practices and be as concerned as she is if someone in the family gets sick. A wife needs a spouse who will back her up when she tells Johnny that he cannot spend the night at Tom’s house who we know has no supervision most of the time. What a wife needs is a husband who will see that she is getting weary with all of the day to day with the children and suggest that she goes to the spa, get a massage and take the rest of the day off. That is what a wife needs.


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